Hidden language
by CaliskeXP
Summary: Short story about Castiel's life that takes an unexpected turn when he goes to bed one night.


**Hidden language**

Castiel's life isn't exactly the best. In fact, it's terrible.

You might think I'm exaggerating, but believe me I'm not.

The first thing you should know about Castiel is that he is gay. He has accepted that a long time ago. He just isn't interested in girls anymore, but people don't seem to understand that.

But what makes his life so horrible is that his parents abandoned him. The reason for it? He came out. Their reaction wasn't good. Disgust and anger had been written on their faces as they spat hurtful words at him. The thing that had hurt Castiel the worst was that one sentence his mother said.

"No son of ours is a faggot."

Those words are now stuck in his brain. No matter how hard he tries, he can't forget them. They slice through him like a knife, leaving permanent damage behind in his memory. She is supposed to be his mother. Not that his dad is doing any better parenting him. He had packed his son's bags and threw him out of the house. He didn't even have time to say goodbye to his big sister Anna, who he loved dearly.

Castiel wonders how things are going with Anna. He hasn't heard from her ever since the day his parents made him leave. He had been 15 back then. He is 18 now. She should be going to college now.

The blue eyed boy had been lucky his dad didn't lock the doors at night. He had sneaked back in and stolen some money. Enough money to get a small flat with only one room and a little bathroom. It's located in another town so he wouldn't risk seeing his parents. Castiel also got a job in a store so he could feed himself and pay the bills, but recently he got fired. His boss told him he was too clumsy for the job and send him on his way. Now he is searching for another job, but things aren't looking good.

Castiel still goes to school too. His education was too important for him to drop out. He is walking towards the large gates where students are already smoking a last cigarette before the bell rings.

He dreads school. Everybody knows him there since he is the only open gay guy. The jocks don't like that, or maybe people just don't like him in general. Castiel never says a word. He tries to keep himself invisible, but that doesn't work. The school's bullies always seem to find him.

Castiel takes a deep breath of air before he pushes open the glass door that leads into the school building. The halls are crowded and he ducks his head spontaneously as he starts making his way through the maze of bodies towards his locker.

"Hey, faggot!"

Catiel's shoulders stiffen at the sound of Alistair's voice. He looks up from the ground and sees the most popular guy of the school make his way through the crowd towards him. Alistair is captain of the football team. He has all the girls swooning over him. Most of the school are just his sycophants. They don't dare to speak bad about him because they know him and his friends can ruin you. Behind him, clutching the back of his jacket, is Ruby, Alistair's girlfriend and head of the cheerleaders. The both of them keep abusing Castiel with hurtful words. Sometimes the rest of the football team joins in. At least they have never physically abused him.

Rushed Castiel steps to his locker, hoping that if he ignores them they will just leave him alone. He is wrong though. Cas can feel them standing behind him and jumps as a hand lands forcefully on his shoulder. Alistair turns him around and slams him with his back against the locker. Castiel groans in pain as the metal of the lock presses against his back.

"I'm so sick of it." Alistair sneers with rage in his eyes. Castiel is staring at him in fear. No one has ever dared to hurt him like this before and he fears this will become much worse. "I'm sick of you! Don't you get the message? No one here wants you. You don't have any friends, everyone avoids you like the plague. No one wants you, no one will ever want you! I bet your own parents don't even want you."

The truth of his last sentence hits Castiel like a truck.

" _No son of our is a faggot."_

His mother's voice runs through his head as tears start to form in his eyes. Soon enough they spill and fall down his cheeks.

"Look! The little faggot is crying! He misses his mommy!" Alistair raises his voice so everyone in the little audience that formed around them can hear them. Some students start laughing and Castiel hears some offending words bubble up. Alistair's hand shifts and wraps around Castiel's throat tightly. Slowly he feels the oxygen leave him as his air supply is cut off. In a flurry of panic the blue eyed boy starts struggling and tries prying off the hand around his neck.

Alistair smirks and releases him, causing Castiel to draw in a quick breath, gulping for air. He doesn't notice Alistair balling his hand in a fist and swinging it at him. A massive pain explodes from his jaw as Alistair hits him there. The impact of the punch throws Castiel's head against the locker with a loud smack.

Castiel sinks to the floor, clutching his head in pain, trying to protect it from any more blows. The crowd laughs harder and is urging Alistair to continue. Alistair drags the smaller boy up by his hair and spits in his face. "I'll be back later for more." Then he walks away, dropping Castiel on the floor again. Ruby kicks her heels into his side before she joins her boyfriend.

Castiel lays on the floor panting, trying to calm down enough to stand up. This is the first time they physically abused him. What did he do wrong? Why does he deserve to be treated like this by everyone? The longer he thinks about it, the more tears roll over his cheeks.

Slowly the corridors start to empty as students go to their classes. Castiel must have missed the bell ringing. Carefully het gets up and walks towards the bathroom to get a look at himself in the mirror. His face has a large bruise forming already where Alistair hit him. It doesn't feel broken, but it hurts a lot. Castiel wipes his eyes with the sleeves of his sweater before he goes to class.

All eyes turn to him as he opens the door, making Castiel look to the floor as he walks in.

"You're late." The teacher says and glares at him. He can feel the eyes burning on him, but he doesn't reply. He walks towards his desk, but reacts too late when suddenly Crowley's foot shoots out to trip him. Castiel gasps and falls on the ground once more. Laughter fills the classroom. He even sees the teacher laugh as he lifts himself up and sinks down on the chair at his desk.

Paying attention is hard as people keep blowing spitballs at him and hitting him in the face every now and then. The girls in front of Castiel are whispering about him, spreading some nasty lies about him under each other. A slight feeling of relief washes over him as the bell finally announces lunch time some hours later. Castiel stands up and collects his stuff in his backpack, rushing out of the classroom as fast as he can.

He doesn't like lunch time. It gives the bullies the chance to embarrass him in front of the whole school instead of just one class of people. That and the whole gang will be there. Castiel mentally readies himself when he walks into the dining hall. He hurries to the spot in the corner where he always eats his lunch alone. Before he gets there however, he feels himself collide with something. Or rather, someone.

"Watch it, twat. I don't want your gay rubbing off on me." Crowley sneers and puts his plate with food on the nearest table. By now the whole canteen has turned their head to the unraveling scene. Then he picks up the drink and drops it over Castiel's head. The dark haired boy opens his mouth in shock as the liquid drips down his hair and clothes, making him all sticky. Crowley is staring at the mess he made with a proud smirk.

"Who wants to see more?" Alistair speaks up. He had appeared next to his friend suddenly and decided to join in on humiliating Castiel.

Immediately the students start to bawl "More! More! More!" The smirk on Crowley's face becomes even wider and Castiel knows he is in trouble. His eyes start flashing around himself in an attempt to search for an escape, but he is surrounded by people.

The bully's hand grabs the collar of Castiel's sweater and pulls him closer till they are face to face. Cas can't suppress the shiver of fear running down over his spine. They punched him once already and they won't hesitate to do it again.

"Seems like the crowd wants more, huh. Let's give them more." Alistair laughs evilly. The students are cheering now, yelling for them to continue.

"Punch him!"

"The freak deserves it!"

"Get him, Crowley!"

It hurts. Even after three years of hearing this, he still isn't used to it. Every single insult is like another stab in his chest.

Alistair then walks closer to Crowley holding a terrified Castiel. The evil smile on his face would be reason enough for anyone else to run away, but Castiel can't.

Crowley pushes the blue eyed guy to Alistair and he almost stumbles over his own feet. The only thing keeping him from falling being Alistair's body, but that gives him the opportunity to lock the smaller boy's arms behind his body and making him face Crowley again.

"This will hurt." Crowley says and raises his fist.

Castiel closes his eyes and waits for the pain to come.

But Crowley doesn't stop after the first punch though. Castiel loses count somewhere after the pain spread to his whole body. His faced is now completely bruised and his lip is bleeding. The bullies also got him on his chest and stomach. Castiel can't hold back the tears. Somewhere in the distance he can hear the crowd cheering loudly.

When Alistair's grip disappears from around him, Castiel falls on the ground. He doesn't have the strength to stand up, nor has he time to recover before Alistair kicks him in the back with his combat boots.

Trying to at least protect a part of himself, Castiel curls up in a ball. Under his breath he is pleading for them to stop, but the silent whispers disappear together with his hope. The kicks keep coming.

The moment the bell rings and the abuse finally comes to an end, Castiel is not far away from fainting. Students stream out of the canteen as everyone goes to their afternoon classes. Alistair and Crowley are the last to leave, leaving me alone on the floor after spitting on me and saying: "Why don't you go kill yourself? No one likes you."

Finally Castiel passes out.

Long after the classes started again, the blue eyed boy wakes up again. His body is in immense pain, but slowly he manages to lift himself up from the floor. He manages to limp through the corridor into the nearest bathroom.

Castiel stands in front of the mirror, his blue eyes slowly look up to see himself in the mirror, something he actually doesn't want to see. A gasp leaves his mouth as his eyes scan over all the damage. His face is filled with blue and purple bruises, his eyes swollen from the punches. His lip is busted and his nose is still bleeding. The liquid in his hair has dried now and makes everything stick together. It also stinks enormously.

Deciding that he doesn't want to see how the rest of his body is mauled, Castiel opens the tab and puts his hands under the cool water. He tries to wash his face and hair as good as he can. When he finishes he locks the door to the bathroom and sits down in a corner. He doesn't want to go to any classes anymore. He is done with being laughed at.  
What had happened to Alistair today? Why did he and Crowley suddenly decide to physically hurt Cas now?

Their last words before they left the canteen drift into castiel's mind. He knows that people don't like him, but does that really mean they want him dead? He guesses the world will be better off without him. All he does is walk in everyone's way. He pisses people off without having to say anything.

Castiel shakes his head. He promised himself not to think like that. But after what happened today he couldn't help himself. He has heard about self-harm before, but has never done it before. Maybe it isn't such a bad idea anymore to try it.

Castiel stays in the bathroom for the rest of the school day. Even after the bell ring, he stays for a bit longer. He doesn't want to risk walking into one of the bullies… or anyone.

After an hour, Castiel leaves the bathroom to limp home. Crowley has hurt his leg pretty badly.

After another hour he finally arrives home and slams the door of his tiny flat closed. Castiel walks straight to the bathroom, stripping himself from the dirty clothes and throwing them into the hamper. He avoids the mirror, not wanting to see his body and steps under the warm water, letting it relax his muscles. This is the only time of the day where he can relax. Of course his parents, his sister and the hurtful words are always bouncing around in his head. So are the punches and kicks today.

" _You should just kill yourself."_

He can't get it out of his head. It chased him home and is still bugging him when he towels himself dry and puts on some underwear. His blue eyes land on the razor next to the sink then. Should he?

Carefully he picks it up and places it on his wrist, not breaking the skin. His eyes find his face in the mirror. He looks so sick and pathetic. He is a burden to the world. A hard scowl appears on his features and he presses down, slicing through the skin and making blood appear. Castiel hisses. It hurts, but he understands why people do it. It distracts him from the mental pain for a moment. It gives him a slight feeling of relief.

He lays down the razor then and patches up the cut on his wrist. He disinfects it, just like he did with his lip and then puts a bandage on it, the cut still stinging.

It was the first time he has ever hurt himself like that and to his surprise, Castiel finds the relief he got from it relaxing, even though it doesn't take away most of the pain. He is too broken to be fixed.

When Castiel looks in the mirror one last time before he goes to bed, he makes himself a promise. This Friday night he will take his own life. The world doesn't need him. The jocks will only lose their victim, but they will be happy. Castiel will be better off dead. The only thing he regrets is that he didn't get to see Anna anymore before he dies, but maybe it's for the better. She probably forgot about him anyway.

The thought of next Friday is what makes Castiel fall asleep that night.

҉҉҉҉҉

Even before Castiel opens his eyes he knows something is wrong. He can't feel the warmth of the sheets over him. The warmth he does feel is something different. He also can't feel the soft mattress under him. Instead he feels something that is hard and soft at the same time.

He knows he is no longer in his room. He can see too might light through his closed eyes.

But where is he?

Slowly Castiel opens his eyes. It takes a while to adjust to the brightness of the sun, but at least now he knows he is outside.

Castiel's eyes roam over the beautiful scenery he sits in. e HhHHHHgyfè!He is sitting on the grass of some sort of meadow, which is surrounded by trees. In the distance he can see mountains with snow on the peaks. The sun is standing high on the bright blue sky and now he realizes that is the warmth he can feel on his body.  
The soft grass is greener than any grass he has ever seen and different kind of flowers are blooming everywhere.

Castiel wonders if he is dreaming, but that seems so unlikely. Everything seems so real.

He reaches out to touch the flower closest to him. It's a beautiful pink one that he recognize as Camellia. That's rather weird. Castiel remembers that Camellias only grow on shrubs.

So this is a dream.

A shriek slips past Cas' lips as someone suddenly touches his shoulder. With a jerk he turns around and sees a beautiful guy of around his age smiling at him.

The guy has green eyes and blondish brown hair that has a flower crown made of Camellias in it. The smile on his face lights up his eyes as they twinkle happily. It's almost as if he is happy to see Castiel.

"Hi." Castiel says softly. He figures the guy looks harmless enough to talk to.

The stranger doesn't answer though. His smile just becomes bigger.

"I'm Castiel." He then says, hoping to get a reply. The guy nods, like he already knows the blue eyed boy's name. He then hands a small paper to Castiel, who unfolds it and reads it.

 _ **Dean Winchester**_

"Dean." He reads out loud and looks up into green eyes. "Is that your name?"

The boy, Dean, nods, his smile never faltering

"So, Dean. What is this place? Am I dreaming?"

Dean frowns and shrugs, but immediately his smile is back on his face and mentions Cas to follow him. They both stand up and Dean takes Castiel's wrist to pull him with him.

Castiel gasps and whimpers when he feels the sting. Dean had grabbed the wrist he cut open not even hours ago.

Dean freezes when he hears Cas whimper. He lift up the smaller boy's hand and rolls up his sleeve, exposing the bandage with under it the cut.

His whole expression falls when he sees what Cas did, the light in the green eyes dying in seconds. He looks into the blue eyes in front of him with a sad expression that almost breaks Castiel's heart. Then Dean bows his head and kisses Castiel's wrist softly.

The action surprises Castiel. It's as if Dean actually cared for him. That he didn't like that the blue eyed boy had hurt himself.

Castiel stares at Dean as the taller one picks up the flower crown from his head and places it on Castiel's head.

"Thank you." A smile appears on both their faces, even though it's just a small smile from Castiel. Dean grabs his hand again and they start walking.

"Can you talk?" Castiel asks while he is dragged to what seems like a little lake he didn't notice earlier.

Dean shakes his head, but he doesn't seem too sad about it. He doesn't need words to express himself.

When they arrive at the pond Castiel sees to his surprise that there are even growing Camellias in the water. This is all so surreal, but at the same time, it doesn't feel like he is dreaming. He can feel the flowers, the grass, Dean's hand in his. The feeling he gets from the latter is something he has never felt before. It feels… nice.

"How is this possible?" Castiel asks amazed. His eyes shift from the flowers in the water to the taller boy standing next to him, who is happily pointing at himself.

Castiel lifts his eyebrows. "You are doing this? With the flowers everywhere?" He asks, making Dean nod once again. "But how?" His blue eyes are now staring at the guy next to him. He seems like a normal normal guy.

Dean looks at Castiel with those breathtaking green eyes before he sits down on the banks of the lake. The smaller boy takes a seat beside him and watches as dean lays his hand over a patch of grass without flowers. He does something with his hand and immediately the spot is filled with Camellias.

Castiel's mouth falls open in shock. "I'm guessing you are not human." He mumbles and looks up at his company.

Dean's face falls immediately as he hears those words. Upset he crosses his arms in front of his chest and looks away.

"I'm sorry, Dean. I didn't mean anything bad with it." Softly Castiel places his hand on Dean's shoulder. "I'm sorry. It's just that I have never seen anything do something as amazing as that."

The hug that Dean then gives Castiel surprises the smaller boy. A real hug. Something he hasn't had in a long time. Four years and now he notices how much he missed this. Castiel wraps his own arms around Dean.

Maybe Dean does care. Maybe he can let Dean in and be friends with the beautiful guy.

When Dean pulls away he starts to pick up some of the flowers and starts braiding them together skillfully. Castiel watches his hands move as they make a carpet out of the flowers. When he is done, Dean smiles at Cas.

"It's beautiful." Castiel compliments him and smiles back.

Dean's eyes widen as he gets an idea. He drops some flowers into Castiel's lap and moves closer to him. Dean takes two of the flowers and shows the smaller boy how he braids them together.

Then he picks up another two flowers and hands them to Castiel. He nods eagerly and mentioned for Castiel to try it.

For hours and hours the two of them sit there together, Dean showing Castiel how to make different kind of things with the flowers. The taller one is skilled in making those things and Castiel is showing his more clumsy side as he screws up from time to time, ripping the flowers apart. In the end he manages to make a necklace of flowers for which he gets an applause from Dean.

Castiel hasn't seen Dean's smile disappear once. He must be really happy here. Cas wishes he was as careless and happy as him. That he had a bit more courage to stand up for himself, but he knows that isn't going to happen.

The blue eyed boy lays down in the grass and stares up at the sky. He watches as clouds drift by when Dean lays down next to him, his head on Cas' chest. His ear is placed on the other's heart as Castiel wraps his arms around him.

For a while they lay there like that. Castiel can feel Dean staring at him as his eyes start to droop slowly. Just before he closes them completely, he can see Dean leaning up and kissing him on his forehead. Then he falls asleep.

҉ ҉҉҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉

For the first time in a long time Castiel opens his eyes smiling.

He had the best dream ever. It seemed all so real. Dean and how he actually did care for Castiel.

He sits up in his bed and looks at the clock. It's time to get up and get ready for school, but before he can move, Castiel's eyes fall on something pink on the bedside table. He gasps when he sees the flower crown made from Camellias.

'What?' Castiel thinks. 'Wasn't it all a dream?'

Having no time to think longer about it, he gets out of bed and rushes to school quickly. He is already late, but he doesn't go to class. Instead he runs towards the school library and sits down in front of one of the computers. He starts it up impatiently and quickly googles the meaning of Camellia's.

A wide smile spreads on his face as he reads the words on the screen. Some other students that are also in the library stare at me weirdly. They have never seen me smile before, but I don't pay attention to any of them. My eyes are still focused on the words on the screen.

 _Beautiful…_

 _҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉_ Three weeks later ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉

Castiel's life has been going a lot better with Dean in his dreams every night. Thanks to him, Castiel is able to drag himself through school days with a small smile on his face. If he thinks about the dream boy it just happens automatically. He has never smiled as much as he does now.

The first night he dreamed about Dean, Castiel had found a Camellia in his locker. He has no idea how that happened. If Dean was just a dream, he shouldn't have found a flower in his locker. It confuses Cas to no end.

The smile on his face and Dean hadn't kept the bullies away though. Castiel is still beaten up daily, but it's only a small part of the day and he can relax later with Dean in the meadow. Cas stopped cutting. He gave up the promise to kill himself. Dean gave him something to look forward to.

Every day a different flower would appear in the green grass of the meadow and every day Dean will be waiting there on Castiel with a smile on his face.

Castiel had looked up the meaning of the flowers every day in the library, but only after he had taken the flower out of his locker. He doesn't know how they get in there, but their meanings are beautiful:

 _Daisy: innocence_

 _Gardenia: delicate beauty_

 _Jasmine: elegance_

 _Sunflower: adoration_

 _Pink Tulip: caring_

 _Lilac: first love_

And many more flowers that had made Castiel feel like he was the happiest man alive. But the last one he found had outdone all the others:

 _Yellow Rose: hopelessly in love._

Castiel thinks it save to say that Dean is in love with him since he gave Cas the flower. And Castiel loves him too. Dean didn't need to use words to win the blue eyed boy over.

Castiel only worries about the fact that Dean might not even be real. The taller guy had only shown up in his dreams. But Castiel just doesn't care anymore. Dean is his hideaway from the real world.

Castiel can't stop smiling when he flicks of the lights, ready to go to sleep. The yellow rose is laying on the bedside table next to him.

Only this time something is wrong when he opens his eyes again in the meadow. Dean is there, waiting for him as usually, but the meadow…

All the flowers are gone. The sun is gone and in its place the sky is gray with rainclouds. The grass lost its color and the trees surrounding the open space have lost all their leaves.

Dean isn't smiling as always. He is staring at his feet, only looking up at Castiel when the smaller one lays his hand on his shoulder. The corner of Dean's mouth only turning up for a second in a sad smile.

"What's wrong?" Castiel asks genuinely worried. This whole change of scenery has to mean something. Everything that happens hear means something. Why is Dean so sad?

Dean just shakes his head as reply and looks at the ground. In his hand, Castiel notices now, he is holding one single flower. It's a Cyclamen.

Slowly Dean raises his head again and puts the flower in the blue eyed boy's hand. He opens his mouth and for the first time ever Castiel hears the sound of his voice.

"Goodbye, Cas." He says in a beautiful, deep voice. His green eyes meet blue once one last time before he turns around and walks away.

Castiel's eyes widen and his mouth falls open. He can't leave him. Castiel loves him. He saved his life.

"No! Dean, wait!" He yells and runs after the green eyed guy, catching up on him in no time. Castiel spins Dean's around, not hesitating when he presses his lips against his.

If this is the last time Castiel will see Dean, then he might as well make it worth it.

Their lips move together softly, the world around them disappearing. Castiel loves this feeling and doesn't ever want to stop kissing Dean.

But when he opens his eyes again, Castiel is alone in his dark bedroom. Dean is gone. The only thing giving away the dream was real is the cyclamen he finds on his lap when he turns on the light.

 _Cyclamen: Goodbye_

҉ ҉ ҉ ҉ ҉

When Castiel wakes up it's already morning. A frown is on his face, not sure what to think of what happened in his dream.

Slowly he gets up and gets ready for school, skipping breakfast for today. H just isn't up for it right now. The time it takes for Castiel to walk to school allows him to think.

Dean is really gone. The dream and the meaning of the flower he had found on his lap had proven it. Castiel will miss him so much. A sad feeling fills up his body.

Castiel didn't even notice he has arrived at school until he stands in front of his locker. A locker without a flower in it today. Cas sighs disappointed. Of course there isn't a flower. Dean is gone.

Suddenly he is pushed from behind, making him stumble into his locker. The snickers that Castiel hears then makes him realise it's Alistair and his friends. Castiel closes his eyes briefly as he turns around to face them. He isn't in the mood for this right now.

"Hey, faggot. Ready for your beating?" Alistair asks and smirks.

Castiel sighs annoyed. From the corner of his eye he can see a few students stopping to watch how this scene will unfold. They are ready to see me being beaten up.

"Listen up, you dipshit. I'm really not in the mood for this shit today, so take your stupid ass friends with you and leave me the fuck alone!" Castiel says angrily, his voice raising his into a shout at the end of his sentence.

Alistair's mouth opens and closes for a few times, not expecting any sort of reply from the usually silent victim.

"No," Crowley speaks up from beside him. "you won't get away from it. I'll learn you how to talk to me with respect." He almost growls the words.

"I said, leave me the fuck alone!" Castiel yells, then picks up the books he needs and storms passed the shocked students with a face like a thundercloud. They all dart to the side to let Castiel pass.

He briskly walks to his first class and sits down on his desk at the same time the bell rings. Students come in but leave open the seat beside Castiel, suddenly scared of what he might be able to do.

"Goodmorning, class." The teacher says when she comes in. "I'd like to introduce you all to Dean Winchester, our new student."

Castiel's head shoots up at the mention of the name.

"Hello." Dean says to the class, but his eyes are locked on the blue once staring at him in shock and wonder. He winks and smirks playfully at Cas when he walks to the desk next to the Castiel's.

Dean is here. The real Dean Winchester is now standing in front of him. Castiel can't believe it.

His blue eyes don't leave Dean as he sits down next to him and lays a flower on his desk.

A red rose.

 _Single red rose: I love you_

 _ **The end**_

e gas


End file.
